Forget-Me-Not

Making my challah dough today, I was in a weird haze of confusion. I first forgot the measurement for oil. I rechecked the recipe, which I have made each week for over 2 years, and recalled the rest.  How odd to forget the recipe. In the midst of my internal soliloquy regarding my loss of marbles, I start the mixer and watch in dumfounded awe as the ingredients spill over the sides and cake to the sides of the bowl. I forgot, yet again a key factor, the yeast rising on the oven.

Where was I?
Lost in deep thoughts, ready to revolutionize planet earth.
Nope,
I was closer to leaving the milky way on a space cadet course to brain dead land.
It's down right amazing how quickly I can forget something.

The last time I was this forgetful I was pregnant (no subtle hints) I'm not! I've heard that when babies are in their mother's womb they are told it all. The fetus knows all the mysteries of life, Torah, and more that I can not even phathom to write as an example. And just as they are about to be born, an angel touches their top lip (yep that indentation right above your lip) and everything known is forgotten. Not lost, forgotten. We then in turn spend a lifetime trying to relearn what was simply given to us a fetus. Deep stuff to write about, remember I am the same girl that forgot the yeast.

Forgetfulness can be a huge blessing....mothers who find themselves pregnant again are the best case in point, no one wants to recall with HD clarity child birth, sleepless nights, vomiting and weight gain (but all very worth it when you get the big prize, a perfect infant)
In my opinion forgetfulness can only lead to one amazing journey to total recall.

So in counting down the nine days before Tisha B'v, I want to try to find that recall; to undo the indent placed upon my lip.   For a moment or a lifetime, I need to embody the loss, the emptiness of being without a Bais Hamikdash.

Last week I woke in a terrible panic. My dream was horrifying. My dream to others might even seem silly, but it was shocking and horrid. I was at a restaurant and the person sitting across from me said try the wrap. I bit down and found ham and cheese. So silly right? I did not die, a lightning bolt did not hit me, nothing. And that was the wrenching part NOTHiNG, Hashem was no longer with me. I felt nothing by my side, watching me through my journey. I was abandoned and alone.

This fear was so real that it was scarier then death. as I am about to form my challahs I say the Yihi Ratzon (sp?) and pray for the temple to be restored to Jerusalem.

May we all see the temple rebuilt in our time.

May it be your will Hashem our G-d, and the G-d of our forefathers, that the Holy Temple be rebuilt, speedily in our days.  Grant us our share in your Torah, and may we serve You there with reverence, as in the days of old and in former years.  The the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to Hashem, as in the days of old and in former years.
Amen.

Shabbat Shalom!